i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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