i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
