It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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