have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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