she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
