I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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