your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
