I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
