dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
