your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
