"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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