my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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