I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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