oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im part way to drunk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
