A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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