ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
