Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
