Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
