Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
