The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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