Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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