Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
