ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
