Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
