a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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