he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
