oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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