No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
