omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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