I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
