Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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