ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
