Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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