So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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