I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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