well I can't set my house on fire every night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
