I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
