Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
