I just threw up on my dentist
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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