just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
