Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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