Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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