called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
