My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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