I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she woke up with a sticky ear
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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