but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
