So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
