She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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