We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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