Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
