Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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