i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize