"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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