PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
