North Korea, Best Korea!
wakey wakey hands off snakey
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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