The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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