I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
