does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize