she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
