If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
