have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
