so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
