so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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