She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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