also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
