Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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