I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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