Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
