My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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