I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
