Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
