Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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