Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
