Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
