My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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